Hopeless
by FangirlOverEverything
Summary: Ritsuka wants to learn the mysteries of Septimal Moon, but Soubi won't tell him about them. Soubi wants to tell him, but he can't. They're both upset and confused, and they're both in love, but Ritsuka believes that love is hopeless.  Loveless oneshot.


**Ritsuka's POV**  
>I fell to my knees with the weight of all the pain inside of me. I just can't shake the feeling that Seimei could still be alive, and Soubi probably knows something about why he was murdered. Or maybe he even knows that Seimei is alive and is keeping it from me. I closed my eyes and just sat there on the floor in the position I had fallen in, leaned over on my hands and knees.<br>Soubi...all the times you've told me Seimei is dead... please don't be lying to me. If you really think he's dead then okay, but if you know he's alive would you please just tell me? I can't stand it. I wish Soubi would always be honest, never lie or hold information from me like he's done in the past. I'm a sacrifice, so I should be able to control my fighter, but so often he doesn't do anything I say. He's so annoying sometimes!  
>When my phone started to ring, I jumped because it had otherwise been so quiet. I figured it was Yuiko because she tends to call me around this time of day, but the name read "Agatsuma Soubi", and the picture was one of the first I took with him on the day I met him. I so badly wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice, but I didn't bother to answer. I just put my phone on silent and let him keep on calling. If he really wanted to see me he would probably come to my house anyway.<p>

**Soubi's POV**  
>I laid on the bed and stared up at the ceiling while thinking, mostly about Ritsuka. Kio is gone and won't be back until tomorrow, so I don't have to deal with his comments about how he thinks that I'm a pervert. But I can't help loving Ritsuka. You can't choose who to be in love with. Ritsuka and I, we're fighter and sacrifice. We have a bond stronger than any other. We belong to each other. I exist to love him and do what he wants. So maybe that makes me a pervert, and if it does then I don't care.<br>I really don't know what to do right now! Ritsuka wants to know about Seimei and about Septimal Moon. Like I said, I exist to do what he wants. But I have been ordered not to tell him anything about Septimal Moon. All I can really tell him about Seimei is that Seimei is dead. But it's so hard to deny him when his face is as cute as it is, with his huge eyes, and how he looks when he's angry. I want to tell him all that I know and give him all of my wisdom, but I just can't. What should I do? I don't know... I just hope Ritsuka is able to figure things out for himself mostly. I'll help him in any other way I can, but I won't be able to tell him myself about Septimal Moon.  
>I wanted to hear Ritsuka's voice, so of course, I called him. But there was no answer, and I called more than once. I knew he was upset with me at the moment since I wouldn't tell him anything about Septimal Moon, so I didn't blame him for not answering. I decided that I would rather see him in person anyway, so I put on my coat and walked to his house.<p>

**Ritsuka's POV**  
>I picked up my phone and threw it across the room, and it landed on the floor on the other side of my bed. I just want Soubi to tell me a little information about Septimal Moon, just the smallest bit, and I want Seimei to come back home to me if he's still alive. And I want to become the "Ritsuka" of two years ago that my mother knew. I don't remember him, but Mother claims he existed, and she clearly needs him.<br>I don't know how much time passed, but after some time of me just sitting there crying and thinking about different things, Soubi showed up in my room. Through the window as usual. I sighed. "Soubi..." I said between sobs, "how many times... do I have to tell you... the window... is NOT an entrance!" I honestly didn't even care at the time. I got up, walked to him, and hugged him. "Soubi! Why are you here right now?  
>"I wanted to see you, of course. And apparently you wanted to see me as well," he said, barely smiling.<br>"I... S-soubi," I stuttered, "is S-seimei... really dead, o-or at least do you honestly believe that he is? Do not lie to me, that's an order."  
>He nodded. "I honestly believe that Seimei is dead. Trust me, if he was alive and I knew about it, I would tell you no matter how strict my orders were not to. And Ritsuka?"<br>I slightly lifted my head. "What?"  
>"You know I can't tell you anything about Septimal Moon. But I'll do anything to help you find out about it on your own. I love you."<br>"Soubi, why do you say that? That you love me? Love is something that just never works out, it's hopeless. I love you, and I don't understand at all how you think. I loved Seimei and he got killed and his body was placed in my seat. I love my mother, and she thinks I'm not her son. Love is so hard I don't even know if it's worth it."  
>"Ritsuka, love is painful, I know. But the pain of love will last forever, so we might as well celebrate it together.* I say I love you because it's true. I love you more than anybody."<br>I sighed heavily. "Thank you, Soubi. Thank you for loving me, and for saying that you'll help me learn about Septial Moon on my own. I don't like that you won't just tell me yourself, and I don't get why you won't. But I... you know what, the pain is worth it. I love you."  
>"I'm glad to hear you finally say so," Soubi said.<p>

**Soubi's POV**  
>So I bent down to be at Ritsuka's height and forced him into a kiss, the same way I did the first day we met and "made memories" together. Only that time, I was just loving him because Seimei had told me to, and Ritsuka was angry about being kissed. But this time, it was more than simply doing what I was told, and Ritsuka knew that he wanted it. It just goes to show, love may be painful, but it's not hopeless.<p>

* * *

><p>*That's a reference to the Tokio Hotel song "Pain of Love". The lyrics are "The pain of love will last forever, promise me, promise me, we'll celebrate the pain together." I saw a great Loveless AMV using this song that I already love anyway and was like, "I HAVE to use the lyrics to the song in a fanfic now!", but I didn't wanna write a songfic. So I referenced the lyrics! ^.^<p>

I don't know if this is any good or not, but I enjoyed writing it so much that I'd like to write a longer Loveless fanfic and include this as a chapter or something. But for now it's the oneshot I originally came up with.


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